Spending Time In Nature

The world is an unbelievably beautiful place. Mother nature is magnificent and giving and incredibly resilient. So, my friend, are you. But, sometimes I forget that about myself. You too? Spending time in nature renews my perspective and helps me see past my own self. It also calms anxiety and stress. In this way, I am able to see that I am part of a much greater whole and that elevates me.

In well-being coaching, we call these kinds of experiences self-transcendence. When we “get above” our petty struggles and worries, we are able to see more clearly the path forward. And we are able to see our own magnificence, generosity, and resiliency. This leads to a more peaceful, satisfying, happy life.

Today, I will give you some tips on how to get out of your head and into your body…outside! The best way out of anxious and overwhelming feelings is through the body. Movement, stretching, massage, acupressure, breath – these are all great ways to tune into and take care of your body. Spending time in nature is one of my personal favorites because it widens my gaze, allows me to take more in with my senses, and renews hope.

Why don’t we do it?

It is important to create some awareness around the obstacles that are present for us around taking care of ourselves. The most common things people say about why they don’t engage in outdoor activity or exercise are lack of time and lack of energy. Let’s explore this a little more.

Mindfulness creates time

How does mindfulness create time? Well, when we examine truthfully how we are spending our time we will more than likely see that much of our day is taken up by mindless activity. Scrolling through social media feeds, reading all the comments on an inflammatory post, reading and re-reading the news, and binge watching television just to name a few. When my clients take the time to really look at how they are spending their day, they find that they have a lot of  time they didn’t know they had.

So, for the next few days, without trying to change anything about your current routine, pay attention to where your time is going. You can do this by spending a few minutes each evening and doing a retrospective awareness exercise on your day. Start by recalling what you did when you woke up and so on. Be honest about how much you engaged in activities that ended up being more of a time suck. Do you notice patterns? Anywhere that you could insert some time for mindful self care?

Fresh air gives us energy

When we are spending time in nature we awaken our senses. Fresh air in the lungs, a breeze on our face, sunshine on your skin, crisp smells in the air, birds chirping – this is activating. Especially when we are intentional about being aware. In other words, if you are spending time in nature with the intention of getting connected to your senses and the beauty that surrounds you, that is what you will do.

This can be done while walking, hiking, running, stretching, or simply sitting. Whatever you enjoy doing outdoors is up to you. By adding intention with your time spent you will find yourself energized, refreshed, with a more unified perspective.

Union with Nature

In well-being coaching, we utilize several meditations designed to calm the thoughts, tune into the body, and create awareness. One of them is called Union with Nature. For more on coaching and how you can get started, fill out the contact form to schedule a pre-session. It would be my honor to talk with you while you discover if this is right for you.

In the union with nature meditation, we focus on opening each of the five senses, slowly and with intention. This helps gives our mind a break from worry and puts us back in our body. During times of stress, many of us experience swirling thoughts that lead to feelings of anxiety. This typically shows up in our bodies in one or a combination of ways. Racing heartbeat, headache, fatigue, upset stomach, heaviness in the chest, restriction in the throat, etc. This is uncomfortable and exhausting.

If we don’t build some muscle memory around using the body to decrease these physical feelings we wind up stuck in our thoughts. If you have ever been in a heightened state of anxiety, you know you cannot think yourself out of it.

Get some fresh air

As prevention and in overwhelming moments, getting fresh air and breathing it in fully does wonders for the body and the mind. It is immediate relief for stress. It’s true that we don’t always have time for a long walk or a hike in the woods. But, we can typically squeeze out a few minutes to spend time in nature, get connected with our senses, and breathe fresh air.

If you have access to an outdoor space you can also engage in a meditative walk. This involves very slow steps as you breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. You can slowly become aware of what you feel, taste, smell, hear, and see as you do this. This is incredibly calming and it only takes a few minutes. We all have time for that.

Prioritize Your Mental Health

This is so important. Right now, mental illness like anxiety and depression are at an all time high. Every single person is susceptible to these feelings and they can quickly become overwhelming if we aren’t attentive. You cannot pour from an empty cup and we cannot rely on others to fill our cups for us. So, take intentional time for you, spend time in nature, and reach out to those you care about to check in.

Prioritizing your mental health makes it so you can be there for yourself and for those who need you. For more on how to do this and move forward in your life with a greater sense of well-being and happiness, reach out and let’s talk. I would love to get to know you and guide you along your path to well-being. You are magnificent, generous, and resilient, just like Mother Nature. Get outside and bask in that!

<3 Stephanie

Drink Your Greens… Happily

I have found that it is much easier to stay the course when I have started the day right than it is to course correct mid way through. Anyone else? You know those mornings when you keep hitting snooze, sleep your way right up until the last possible second and the day starts with you feeling rushed and chaotic? It sets the tone for the day. The same is true for what we put in our bodies first thing. The below recipe will help you to drink your greens, happily.

This is my favorite drink to make in the morning all year round. It is packed with goodness, lots of vitamin C, and promotes kidney and liver cleansing as well as hydration. I call it Happy Green Drink because it makes me feel, well, happy! Drink up!

Happy Green Drink

1 Ripe Banana

2 Oranges, peeled

1 half lemon, peeled

Several big handfuls of spinach

1 teaspoon of fresh ginger, I use the frozen ginger cubes from Trader Joe’s

1 Tablespoon of agave or maple syrup

6-10 ounces of water

Handful of ice

Put all of this into a high speed blender. The trick is to blend it for several minutes. The longer you blend it, the more all the pulpy stuff from the oranges and lemon get broken down.

This recipe makes two servings. Now go drink your greens happily!

More happiness awaits

Starting your day in a positive way will certainly help you to continue on that trajectory. In order to be happy we need to take care of all three aspects of our being – our bodies, thoughts, and souls. This happy green drink certainly helps with the body. For more on how to care for the other aspects of your being, click here.

<3 Stephanie

I Married My Best Friend

Yesterday I married my best friend. It was the most beautiful day rich with intimacy and love; family and friends; laughter and joy. We kept things really simple and focused our efforts on the details that really, really mattered to us. Among the most important is our commitment to each other and our family. Also the honest words we spoke to one another, the expression of music, and our closest friends. We feel so lucky to have stumbled upon each other at the exact right time and we feel so solid in our love and friendship. Our story is not just beginning and it is far from over, but this is certainly one of the sweetest chapters to write.

2020

This has been a hard year. 2020 has proven to be that way for everyone. For us, we have navigated job loss (mine), building a business (mine), virtual school (all four kids), and getting one kid settled in his first year of college. We continue to walk the delicate path of gender transition with one of our kids and learn how to be a better ally for her everyday. Like many people, we also feel pulled back by past events and traumas that occurred before we met which bring up anxiety and issues we have to work through again and again. It is unpleasant and painful and also necessary. Fortunately, we do all of this side by side, leaning into one another. We work hard to find a balance between work and play and model kindness, empathy, and love for our kids. 

Back to the Start

So, when we decided to have a much needed date night for the first time since March, like out in public, sitting outside and enjoying a meal, we decided to go to our very favorite place, Lona’s Lil Eats. This happens to be where Josh took me on our first date and we have managed to eat there several times a month for the last 4.5 years. They are only open for curbside take out, but have some lovely picnic tables outside. So, we ordered and enjoyed dinner al fresco as the sun went down. It was so nice and it felt like normal again.

As Josh was cleaning up the table, I was taking in the sights and sounds of the Fox Park neighborhood. I heard him behind me say that I had dropped something. When I turned around he was down on one knee with a beautiful ring in his hand. We had been talking about getting married and I thought we would just decide one day and that would be that. This was such a welcome, sweet surprise.

All You Need is Love

Before the ring, we had talked about taking a trip sometime and just getting married. But, I was torn. Family is important to me. My parents, my sisters, our kids…I wanted them all to be part of our special day, whenever that was going to be. I kept saying that I could elope, but Josh knew better. He kept insisting that I would regret not having a few really special people there. He was right.

Planning a wedding seems like a lot. But as it turns out, all you really need is love. Love comes in many forms. For us, love showed up as really, really great friends who lended their time and talent to our day. Also loving family members who always remember that we support, accept, and love each other no matter what. And perhaps, most importantly, love came to me in the form of an amazing man who accepts me and all that I bring to the table without exception or question. I married my best friend and I am so happy.

Things Fall Into Place

When you keep things simple, have great friends and family, as we did and do, things fall into place. My best friend is an amazing photographer and creative human being. Thanks to her, we have a beautiful collection of memories to cherish for the rest of our lives. Because of  Heidi, I will never forget the magic of this day. The light, the colors, the heart, soul, and love are all present in her photos. She is a gift.

Another great friend became ordained to marry us. She is a long time friend of Josh’s and a newer friend of mine. She put so much thought and intention behind every word she spoke. It was incredible and intimate and felt effortless.

We were on the receiving end of so much generosity and love yesterday. We had friends come and play soft, sweet music so we could have a first dance right after we said “I do”. And we were gifted an abundance of flowers and greens from a local home garden that we used to create bouquets for our daughters and niece, as well as decorate tables and the trellis that Josh made for our backdrop.

Making Magic

As the sun was setting, my Dad took my arm and walked me toward my love. As we walked we smiled through a few tears as we shared a moment where no words were really needed. I felt the warmth of Josh, our kids, our extended family and our friends as we spoke honest words and committed ourselves wholeheartedly and happily. It was pure magic the way I felt. The energy was incredible and it was honestly what every single person there needed. Connection, community, and love. I am so grateful.

Afterwards we gathered outdoors for a chilly picnic. We celebrated our union and were able to connect personally with everyone who was present with us. At one point I stepped back and took it all in. What I saw was resiliency, love, community, and healing. It was exactly what I had envisioned and everything I hoped for.

Moving Forward

All the challenges that 2020 has brought are still here. We are still dealing with a pandemic, still navigating virtual school and still feeling the challenges of all the uncertainty. And yet, we are better equipped to deal with it because we took time for gratitude, expressed love, looked toward our future with hope, and listened to our intuition that now was the perfect time to do it all.

Our little family needed a boost of goodness and connection. We got what we needed to fortify ourselves and now we continue on with renewed strength and happiness. I wish the same for you!

<3

Stephanie

Taking Care Of You Is Most Important

As we look toward the rest of this year, what would you like to focus on? Having an intentional plan for your next steps will ensure that you find success. Whether you are feeling overwhelmed or not, taking steps toward growth in happiness and well-being will serve you in more ways than you know. With the change in the seasons comes a surge in mental health issues like depression and anxiety, and we are already seeing an increase due to the pandemic. Taking care of you is most important.

I’d like to share a little more about me and what I do as an Anthropedia well-being coach. My mission and my passion is to work with women. Together, my clients and I are making great strides toward their own self acceptance and happiness. It’s really fulfilling to walk alongside these women as they experience this growth for themselves. Working with me as a coach can be part of your intentional plan for your mental health and help you realize that taking care of you is most important.

A‍bout Me

Professionally, I offer well-being coaching as well as lifestyle coaching for women who are looking to work on self-discovery and self-acceptance and would like to get a boost in the happiness, hope, and mental health department. Like my clients, I have my own story of struggle and growth that helps me to be relatable and empathetic for my clients. I know what it feels like to question my purpose and to feel out of control. And I know what it is like to be in a cycle of quiet shame and self deprecation to the point of exhaustion.

P‍art of what makes me good at my job is my own life experience. In my own experience, well-being coaching has been truly life changing. The practices I learned and have adopted for myself are a lifeline that I draw on daily that keep me afloat, even during chaos and my life has plenty of chaos! I observe and hear the same from my clients. Not only have my relationships with others improved, but my relationship with myself is more loving and kind.

My Mission

Working with women is a passion of mine. I absolutely love supporting other women who are hungry for more and looking for ways to take care of themselves in healthy ways. As a woman, I know how much it can be ingrained in us to put ourselves last and second guess our need for our own nourishment and growth. I am here to remind you that you matter, you are so important, and you are worth your own time. You cannot pour from an empty cup. And the world needs you mentally and physically healthy and happy. This is why taking care of you is most important.

I am called to do this work by a deep desire to promote positive mental health practices so that we may all find some healing, a renewed sense of hope, and deeper satisfaction with life. I bring compassion, empathy, support, and understanding to the table each time I meet with one of my clients. After every session I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to connect and share in the tremendous growth these women experience. It is truly life changing and affirming.

T‍he Truth

What I know to be true is that if we aren’t intentional about where we are going, we are bound to get lost. If we spend the majority of our time doing what we believe everyone else wants us to do, we lose ourselves in the process. If we don’t take time to really get to know ourselves, we never really fully understand what makes us happy. This is no way to live. I want you to thrive, not just go through the motions.

Taking the time to prioritize getting to know yourself and really understand what drives you is so important. In order to do this, we have to create awareness around our habits, patterns, thoughts, and behaviors. What makes you happy? What makes you unhappy? What experiences have you had in your life that left you feeling a sense of lasting satisfaction?  These are all questions we ask and begin to answer in our first meeting together.

Growth in well-being and happiness is deep and contemplative work. And it is so worth it.

In her words

Don’t take my word for it. Here are what a few of my clients have to say about their experience working with me.

“Not only is Stephanie adept at coaching, she is also patient, kind, trustworthy, encouraging and fun to work with. I no longer feel like I am treading water; I feel confident that I am on the right path, more aware of myself and my surroundings and have an optimistic, almost giddy, outlook.”

“I can share that I have found wellbeing coaching profoundly impactful and more meaningful than coaching I have done in the past. It has helped my self discovery on a deeper level and given me ways in which to incorporate practices into my day that helps me heal, move forward and sets the stage for a more balanced and happy life. Steph has been a wonderful guide so far.”

“I have found this training to be life changing, It ended up helping me through one of the most difficult periods of my life, and it has resonated into all aspects of my relationship with myself and the people around me. I’m profoundly grateful.”

Looking Forward

I am soaked in gratitude for my clients and the way in which they have embraced themselves and walked with grace on the path forward in these uncertain, troubled times. I so look forward to hearing from you so that we can begin to discover who you are and what makes you happy. What I said earlier bears repeating. You matter, you are so important, and you are worth your own time. You cannot pour from an empty cup. And the world needs you mentally and physically healthy and happy. This is why taking care of you is most important. Let’s start today.

<3 Stephanie

Now Is The Time To Work on You

I am inhaling love, exhaling fear, inhaling hope, exhaling worry and struggle, inhaling openness, exhaling self-doubt. This is a time of new beginnings and new normals, while we also grieve for what was once familiar. It is overwhelming at times, exciting at others. Some people are thriving with this new normal and others are barely surviving. Now is the time to work on you and to draw upon and cultivate new coping skills. Meditation is a useful practice as part of your growth in well-being and happiness as you navigate this uncertain time.

If you are a parent, you are now faced with homeschooling. If you work outside the home, you might be struggling with what is next for your career. Perhaps you’ve lost your job and are unsure of what is next. Maybe you are taking care of a loved one who is sick or struggling. Whatever the case, you cannot pour from an empty cup. And you can’t make good decisions with a stressed and chaotic mind.
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So, now is the perfect time to work on you. To learn the fundamentals of mental health and well-being, to grow in awareness, to cultivate skills for managing stress and anxiety so that you feel more resilient and less overwhelmed. Doing this for yourself will better equip you to be there for others.

W‍here to Begin

You can start today with meditation. There are many apps available to help you get started. I love this one for getting calm before bed and this one for it’s variety of options in a multitude of situations. When you work with me as a well-being coach, I will teach you several meditations that you can use anytime, anywhere to calm anxiety, alleviate stress, and gather your energies.

Meditation Takes Practice

Just like anything else, in order to learn something new you must practice. I like to think of mediation as prevention for stress and anxiety. You are literally building muscle memory for yourself around getting calm. When you do this you are better equipped to use this coping skill in high stress moments. This is what it looks like to work on you. Making your mental health a priority starts with taking time for mental health prevention.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of a cure.” Benjamin Franklin said that and his words ring true today. It is much easier to prevent getting sick than it is to get better. This applies to your mental health as well.

Coaching for Mental Health

Working with me as your well-being coach will help you to keep your mental health in focus. You will get to know yourself better as well as learn new skills for coping. All of this leads to greater feelings of happiness, well-being, and resiliency. It can be challenging to work on you and there is a certain amount of comfort that comes with not doing it alone. As your coach, it is my honor to walk alongside you as you do this work on yourself, cheering you on along the way.

Taking the Scenic Route

Well-being coaching is not a quick fix. It is deep and contemplative, much like meditation. But, the benefits are so worth it. This coaching methodology works and leads to lasting change and enhances your life with greater satisfaction. To learn more about coaching with me, complete this contact form to get started with a pre-session.

Mental health, just like physical health, is a lifelong journey. We are never done. We are always growing in awareness, learning and changing, but only if we are paying attention. Keep going, keep growing and keep your eyes open. This is how you will take in all the beauty that your life has to offer right now in this moment.

Your breath is always there for you and will guide you toward what you need in order to stay calm. All you have to do is take the time to work on you.

<3 Stephanie

Why Accountability Works

Most people want to please other people. It gives us a sense that not only are you accomplishing something, but someone else cares about what you are doing. This, in a nutshell, is why accountability works. Today we will discuss some ways you can set up accountability in your life and why that is important on your goal setting, action taking plan for well-being.

Before we get started, think about the people in your life that will support your growth. It is important to be aware of who those people are and if they are present in your life. Grab a piece of paper and jot down a few names just to create some awareness around who those people are for you.

Cart Before the Horse

When you are trying to create change around something it is important to not jump willy nilly right into goals and action. First you need to carefully examine the situation as it stands. So, in the case of well-being, we need to first establish your current state. This has to happen so you know what needs work and it is fundamental in why accountability works. To do this, you can do a simple exercise to create more awareness.

In a journal or notebook, make two lists. One list for what things are going really well in your life in terms of your happiness, satisfaction, and well-being. The things on this list should include activities and experiences that put you in a flow state when you engage in them. If you aren’t familiar with what it means to be in flow, consider reading  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book entitled Flow to gain more knowledge. For many of us, this list is sometimes pretty short. That’s ok.

In your second list, write down all the things that make you feel unhappy or out of flow so to speak. These could be things you want to do, but struggle with for whatever reason. Remember that you are making this list not to be judgmental of what is going on in your life, but rather to highlight what area, specifically, you want to work on. Working with a well-being coach helps you with this first step, which is critical. The exercise I am suggesting here is one way for you to get started quickly at home, but if you are seeking to dive deeper into this exploration consider working with a coach.

Now what?

Now that you have your lists made and you can clearly see what is making you happy and unhappy your next step is to consider where to start. Remember that our goal here is to start small and build a strong foundation for creating new habits, practices, and activities that will produce lasting change in your life. This is another really important step in why accountability works.

What are you most motivated to work on in terms of your well-being? What is most pressing? These are questions only you can answer and they are important questions for sure. Before trying to answer these questions, let’s ensure that you are in a calm state of mind first. To do this, sit comfortably and try to relax. Take several deep, slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. You can do this with your eyes open or closed. Once you have taken several deep breaths, return to normal breathing and remain still and quiet with your breath for a minute or two.

When you feel calm, you are ready to choose which thing  you’d like to focus on. Try not to struggle with this. In your calm state allow yourself to review your list and go with the one you feel most drawn to. Keep it simple.

Let’s set a goal!

You’ve discovered what you want to focus on — now we need to engage on how you are going to work on this. Before we get to the action steps we need a S.M.A.R.T. goal. These goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. Again, this is where a coach really comes in handy if you struggle with this. It is ok to need help with goal setting. Good goal setting is paramount in setting up for action and a huge part of why accountability works. If you don’t have a S.M.A.R.T. goal to begin with, action and accountability are pretty useless.

So, in thinking about your focus, brainstorm some ideas. For example, if you would like to set a goal that focuses on calming emotions for well-being, get specific on what that looks like.

Get clear on the purpose

What is the purpose of the goal? In this case, it is to incorporate calming strategies for managing overwhelming negative emotions.

Do some brainstorming

What are specific ways that you can work toward this goal? Perhaps it is developing a daily meditation practice, or doing some calming stretches, or daily self-care habits. Be really specific here.

Make your selections

Which of those things do you want to try? The pitfall here is to bite off more that you can chew. Be realistic about what you are willing to do. You can always add more.

System for measuring

What ways will you measure how things are coming along? Maybe this looks like keeping a daily journal of how you feel before and after the practice you decide to incorporate.

Take action

What, specifically will you do each day to work toward the goal? An example for this would be to decide that you will meditate for 10 minutes each morning when you wake and each evening before bed. Perhaps also journaling about how you are feeling before and after each meditation period.

Set up accountability

This is where that list of names comes in handy. If you are a person who thrives on outside encouragement, external accountability is super important. To do that, you need to enlist some help from a trusted friend or partner. To be clear, this person will not be in charge of doing anything other than cheering you on and providing encouragement to keep going. There is no room for shaming or criticism here. This should be very positive for both of you.

Setting this up is simple. You share your goals and plan for action with this other person. And you establish how you will let them know you have completed your action steps and how often you will communicate this to them. Be specific. For example, if you have decided that you will meditate for 10 minutes twice per day and journal your feelings/state of mind before and after each meditation you will share that goal with your friend. If you want to email or text your friend each day letting them know you accomplished your goals for the day, you establish that. Come to an agreement for a specific start and end date for this goal and then get started. In no time you will begin to see why accountability works! As a bonus, you can act as an accountability partner for your friend. In this case, each of you would reap the benefit of growth as well as participate in the joys that come from seeing someone you care about achieve a goal.

Getting off Course

It happens. Sometimes we get thrown off course. When this happens it is so important to remember that it is ok to reset and start over. Self-criticism does you no good here. Get calm, try to discover what went wrong, and re-establish your goals accordingly. This might have happened because the goal you set was too big for right now, or because something unexpected got thrown at you.

If getting off course is a regular occurrence for you, it may be time for you to enlist some help from a coach. In well-being coaching, we work on the fundamentals of well-being and mental health so that you can discover who you are, what makes you happy, what makes you unhappy, and develop skills for resilience.

Stay the Course

You can do this practice of creating awareness, goal setting, and action in all areas of your life. It is a wonderful feeling to be working toward a goal and having success. I hope this helps you to see why accountability works and also shows you how to hold yourself accountable. Ultimately, you are your own best accountability partner. You can cheer yourself on, as well as empower and support yourself along your journey toward achieving your goals. In doing this, others cannot help but join in the cheering section. You’ve got this!

<3

Stephanie

Letting Go Skills So You Can Feel Better

There is a common misconception that letting go means pushing away thoughts, feelings, and emotions and wearing a brave face. This fake it until you make it approach only gets you so far. It’s true that sometimes shifting your perspective takes the simplicity of smiling and attempting to be happy. But what about those times when that isn’t enough? If we are to really learn how to cultivate happiness and resilience we have to fill our tool box with letting go skills. These skills help with change. They are indispensable to those of us on a quest to live our best lives. In times of uncertainty these skills and tools will no doubt get a workout.

In order to start building our letting go skills, we must first understand what letting go means and how it helps us to grow. Once we are clear on that we will dive into best practices that you can implement now to begin your practice of letting go. Let’s get started.

What is letting go?

Letting go means to move through the struggle and emotion in order to get calm. It means to release the habit of blaming everyone else for our problems, and resisting the urge to argue and fight with the people around us and ourselves. Accepting reality, even when it doesn’t feel good, is an important part of building letting go skills. When we fight, blame, and struggle with others it creates resistance within us. This leads to inner struggle. If that struggle is too great and we don’t have adequate letting go skills we feel hopeless. Unfortunately, this cycle is on repeat for many people.

What can you do about it? First and foremost, stop judging your feelings. Acknowledge your own emotions, thoughts, and feelings with the same love you would for a friend. Changes are, you are the type of person who comforts a friend that is hurting readily. You likely don’t judge them and have a desire to help. Channel that same love and helpfulness toward yourself. This means noticing how you are feeling without judgement. This is tricky for a lot of people, but the first of many letting go skills we will discuss.

Practicing Self Acceptance

Most of us do not spend much time really understanding who we are and why we respond or react to things the way we do. We often create judgments about ourselves and use outdated habits to manage our feelings. This can look a lot like using numbing tactics just to get through something that feels uncomfortable. As you might suspect, this leads to that cycle of struggle that we touched on in the previous paragraph.

Working with a well-being coach helps you grow in awareness of yourself; who you are, your habits, and your personality so that you can work more specifically on the areas that need growth. This type of growth takes time and practice and will ultimately lead you in the direction of self acceptance and living happier more of the time. If you are interested in working one on one with me in developing letting go skills, click here to get started.

Set Goals

Most of us are familiar with the good feeling that comes when we set a goal and are successful in reaching it. This gives us a sense of accomplishment and sets us up for feeling hopeful. Taking action on a goal successfully requires us to be thoughtful about what we are trying to achieve. To create more hope in your life, try setting a series of small, attainable goals that you can work toward on a daily basis.

To begin, make a list of things you would like to do today. This is a familiar “to do” list. We have all made them and we know the disappointment that comes from not crossing everything off the list. For this list, the goal is to check everything off. So, with intention, make a list of things you know you can and would like to accomplish today. Put at least one thing on the list that is part of another larger goal. In order to choose that one thing we need to do some work on a larger goal or goals.

I suggest making another action list or two for longer term goals. These could be self care related, health related, anything you choose.  To make these lists, write down all that you can think of  to do in order to take action on, for example, self care. Meditation for 10 minutes, take a 30 minute walk, read a book for 30 minutes, take a bath, stretch for 15 minutes before bed, etc. Anything that falls into self care that you are not already doing should go on this list. Then, pick one of these things and commit fully to doing it.

At the end of the day, notice how you feel. More than likely, you feel accomplished and a little happier. This is hopeful. Keep doing this each day with intention and notice how your sense of hope grows.

Surrender Control

We cannot control everything. We try our best though, don’t we? Here is some hard truth that is worth writing down and posting where you can see it all the time.

The only thing you are in control of is you.

That’s it. The sooner you learn how to surrender to the idea that you cannot control other people or every circumstance or how people react to you or how people see you or the weather or anything else for that matter, the better. You don’t have to like the circumstances or the choices other people make or the weather, but you cannot control it. Your feelings are valid and it’s healthy to acknowledge them and feel them. Then, come back to the truth of what you can control and take action there.

Holding sand

There is so much freedom in this letting go skill of surrender. It frees you up to give thought space to things that you can control. It actually allows you to hold on to more. Here is what I mean by that. Imagine yourself on a sandy beach. Scoop up a big handful of dry, fine sand. Squeeze your hand into a fist. How much sand remains in your hand? Not much. Most of it spills out the sides. Now do it again, but this time leave your hand open like a cup for the sand. You are able to hold more with less effort. This is the art of letting go and being gentle.

You know that by holding on too tight sand will slip through the cracks and your hand will be tired. This same concept applies to our relationships with others as well as with ourselves. When we struggle with someone else because we are trying to get them to change or we feel like blaming them for how we are feeling, we become tense, stressed, and are holding on for dear life. The same is true when we struggle with something about ourselves we wish to change. Here is what you can do instead. Recognize your emotions, surrender the things you cannot control, and work on bringing yourself into a calm state by holding only what you know you can.

In doing this, you create a positive shift for yourself. This has a calming effect on the entire situation and actually gives the other person permission to do the same. This is the most important of all the letting go skills. It requires practice, and it won’t be perfect. Being aware and setting an intention to let go of struggle is the first step. When you find yourself in a challenging situation, remember the sand.

Easy Does It

When we are doing hard things it’s important to be reflective on the wins we experience. Doing this work of letting go is challenging and when we are successful it’s worth acknowledging, even celebrating. So, make sure that you are giving yourself plenty of positive feedback for your hard work. To remember to do this, try the following.

At the end of each day reflect on each aspect of your day; morning, mid-day, and evening. For each aspect of the day, write down at least one thing that you did really well. These can be things that moved you toward a goal, taking a pause instead of reacting, walking away from a struggle, resisting the urge to try and control something you can’t control, etc. Do this practice for several weeks. Doing this daily practice, strengthens the intention to keep going and helps us find the ease in the effort of letting go.

In addition, it is helpful to get into the habit of contributing to a daily gratitude journal. This works on keeping us hopeful. You can read more about how to do this here.

Give Grace and Permission

I will leave you today with one more recommendation. In his book, Permission to Feel, Marc Brackett, Ph.D., talks about the power of emotions and how understanding and growing your emotional intelligence is so important for well-being. Feeding yourself knowledge about how to understand your emotions and even get to the root cause of the emotion is important and another good tool in your letting go skills toolbox.

Reading this book alone does not create lasting change, but it will give you some great nuggets for growth. Most importantly, this book acts as a permission slip to feel all the feelings. Right now, we are all on a rollercoaster of emotional ups and downs collectively. Let us be gentle with ourselves and each other and give grace freely.

<3

Stephanie

Cooking Up Happiness in Times of Stress

We are living in a time that is, not only uncertain, but volatile. For many, happiness during times of stress seems unattainable. This can bring about feelings of fatigue due to interrupted sleep. Lack of sleep and exhaustion leads to irritability. This leads to self deprecation because perhaps you’ve lashed out at someone you love. Emotional outbursts of anger, fear, and sadness cause us to feel out of control. In an attempt to regain control we sometimes retreat from others, further disconnecting ourselves. Isolation paves the way for depression and anxiety. This happens to varying degrees in all of us and none of it feels good.

The good news is, we can learn to recognize what is going on and cook up happiness for ourselves, even during times of stress. It’s true. As a coach, I work with my clients in discovering what makes them happy. We also do work on understanding what makes them unhappy. In doing this, my clients develop a better relationship with themselves and are able to enjoy the feeling of happiness more often. Fill out the contact form to learn more about coaching and how it can help you unblock your well-being. Today, I am going to give you some tools you can begin practicing on your own to cultivate more of these good feelings.

Spend Time in Nature

Being outdoors gets you out of your head and opens up your senses. Have you ever felt overwhelmed or stressed and suddenly had the urge to go outside and take a deep breath? Just breathing different air can provide relief. Spending time in nature serves as a good reminder that, as humans, we are one part of a much larger whole. This is a relief because we can see it isn’t all about us. Next time you are feeling isolated or overwhelmed, give this a try.

Step outside and either sit comfortably or begin walking. If you choose to walk, keep your pace slow and leisurely. Focus on all that you see, without being narrow in your vision. With a wide gaze, notice the colors, shapes, foliage, flowers, sky, trees, etc. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. What do you smell? Take in the sounds around you. Birds chirping, leaves crunching, water rushing. Appreciate these sounds like you would with beautiful music. What do you taste? Finally, what do you feel? You can touch the grass, or the bark of a tree nearby, or simply feel the breeze on your skin.

In connecting with nature, you are connecting deeper with yourself. It is calming and can be meditative if you are open to it. When we are calm, we are able to see more clearly and make better choices for ourselves and ultimately, find happiness during times of stress.

Eat healthy, nourishing food

This is a tricky one for many people. It is common to soothe sadness, anger, and fear with food that is high in sugar and fat. It tastes really good going in, but for most people the physical discomfort that comes later leads to regret.  Why does this happen? The short answer is we are looking to increase pleasure. Eating food like this gives a temporary feeling of fulfillment that wears off leaving us feeling cloudy, bloated, etc. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like that feeling.

I have found that the best way to avoid the downward spiral that indulging in two pieces of cake will certainly bring is to be prepared. This requires a little bit of planning and some time. Make a list of healthy things you enjoy eating. Fruits, veggies, nuts, etc. It’s always a good idea to have these things ready for consumption when the urge to snack strikes. This will help you cultivate healthier eating by giving you ready made options within reach.

But we all know these things will not satisfy our sweet tooth. The last thing I want when I’m feeling bored or sad or frustrated is to crunch on a piece of celery. I want cake, but I know cake generally doesn’t make me feel good. So, to increase the probability of nutritional happiness during times of stress, I make protein bites and keep them in the freezer. They are sweet, loaded with goodness, and it’s hard to eat more than two. I make mine with dates, nut butter, coconut oil, nuts like walnuts or pecans, cinnamon, and mini chocolate chips. I have made enough protein bites that I adapt recipes on the fly and experiment. It’s kind of fun, actually. Eventually I will post some recipes on my site, but until then Minimalist Baker has some good ones you can try.

Work in the Service of Others

I love this one. Doing kind things for someone else feels so good. One of my favorite things to do is to pick a few flowers from my garden, write a little note, and deliver it for no reason in particular to a friends doorstep. Think about how you would feel if someone did that for you. Pretty great, right?

Doing acts of kindness for others is one way to increase loving feelings in your life and increase happiness in times of stress. It takes the focus off of yourself and puts it on someone else. This increases empathy and leaves you with a smile on your face. Even more, it creates feelings of deep satisfaction in the knowledge that your small kindness, more than likely, made a big difference in someone else’s day.

Here’s the catch. Sometimes the kindness we show to others goes unnoticed. It’s ok. That doesn’t take away from your feelings of satisfaction. You never know what is going on in someone else’s life at any given moment. Showing love and appreciation is always a good idea, even if the recipient can’t or doesn’t see what you are doing. So, give love and kindness freely and see what goodness comes for you in the process.

Show Gratitude

Beginning and ending each day with gratitude is a powerful thing. Writing these things down is even better. Taking time to express gratitude each day serves us a dose of happiness and appreciation for what we have. These include relationships we have, people we feel blessed to know, opportunities we enjoy, time we have, activities we love. The list is abundant and goes on forever. Having gratitude promotes abundance, which promotes happiness in times of stress.

Have you heard the saying: What we focus on grows? It’s absolutely true. When you focus on worry, what could go wrong, stress, and the like, that is what you have an abundance of. Contrarily, when you focus on what you appreciate, your blessings,  and the goodness in your life, those grow exponentially. Writing it down solidifies these appreciations and when you are lacking, they serve as a reminder of all that you have. Keep a journal at your bedside for your gratitude lists. Having it handy will help you get into the habit of writing each day. Start with 5. Write down 5 things each morning and another 5 each night. Don’t overthink it. Write what comes to mind and gives you good feelings in those moments.

Smile More

Seriously. It’s that simple. Just smile. Smile at your family, smile at your neighbors, smile when you go to the store. Look at the people around you in the eyes and smile at them. Many have let that practice atrophy because we aren’t feeling so good. All the above practices for creating more happiness in times of stress will help you get to smile more, I promise.

Move Your Body with Intention

Living a sedentary lifestyle leads to feelings of malaise, low energy, depression, and even anxiety. These are all common complaints from most people I come into contact with. I know for myself, when I don’t move my body, I don’t feel good physically or mentally. There is a simple explanation for this. Humans were not designed to be sedentary. Our systems functionality depends on good nutrition, quality sleep, being adequately watered, and movement.

I hear people say they don’t like exercise. I understand. We often don’t like what makes us feel uncomfortable. Going to the gym or taking a group fitness class for some people is very anxiety producing. The thing is that exercise doesn’t have to be something you dread. There are so many ways to move your body. Here are a few suggestions that you can do anytime, alone or with others.

Get moving!

There is nothing quite like a spontaneous dance party to promote happiness in times of stress. Put on some music and dance around the house. Sing along, move and shake, smile — maybe even laugh! This gets your heart rate up, releases feel good hormones, and alleviates stress and tension. If you have younger kids, you are modeling so much good for them. You are giving yourself and them permission to feel joy. Invite them to dance along.

Take a walk. There is something really great about putting on some music or your favorite podcast and taking a good power walk. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Every now and then let out a sigh and feel the relief wash over you.

Go hiking. This requires a little more effort in that most people would have to drive to a trail first. More planning and more time, but very enjoyable. See the above on spending time in nature. A hiking trail is a wonderful place to spend a few moments in a mindful state becoming aware of your senses and then taking a nice walk through the woods.

Develop a morning and evening stretching routine. This alleviates tension, lubricates the joints, relieves muscle soreness, and just generally feels really good.

The suggestions I provided here are just scratching the surface. What are some activities you enjoy? How can you incorporate more movement in your daily life?

Get Quality Sleep

Sleep is something we all need and unfortunately, it eludes many. Insomnia is no fun and lack of sleep leads to many other issues, both physical and mental. There are things you can do today to start cultivating better sleep conditions for yourself. For instance, you can become aware of your technology use in the hours before bedtime, notice what you are eating and drinking, and the quality of your sleep environment. Before you decide what needs to change I would suggest collecting some data first.

Do your research

If you are using a gratitude journal and keeping it bedside, you can create a section in this notebook for sleep data. For one week, each night before bed, write down the following. The time you are getting into bed, what time you ate your last meal and what it was, what you drank including alcohol, tea, etc and how much you drank, what activities you did in the evening hours before bed, how you feel physically, and how you feel mentally. Each morning jot down the time you woke and how you felt upon waking. Did you wake in the night? If so, how many times and what time? Were you able to get back to sleep? How many hours did you sleep? Do you feel rested?

Begin to notice patterns and start to make some adjustments. Consider eliminating alcohol, limiting technology use two hours before bedtime, not utilizing television in the bedroom, and making nutritional adjustments if you are experiencing stomach discomfort.

Making changes requires you first to examine what is happening. This involves being honest about our habits and patterns and being willing to let go of those things that aren’t serving us long term, even if they feel good in the moment. Good sleep requires that we do this. So does our overall well-being. Working with me will give you the tools and accountability you need to create this awareness and make healthy changes. If you are ready to explore that more deeply, reach out to me here and we will get started!

Meditate

This will take some practice. And it may feel challenging to you at first, but I encourage you to keep trying. Sitting in stillness does much more for our mental health than most of us realize. We spend so much time going and doing and thinking and worrying and multitasking. In the process of all of that busyness we get lost. We become used to stuffing our feelings down, avoiding vulnerability, and growing further away from tapping into our intuition. In other words, we are living on autopilot. Living in this way is keeping us from living well and living happy. In order to be happy we need to know what really makes us happy. In order to know what makes us happy, we have to listen.

Listening requires being attentive. It also requires putting aside our judgments. This is meditation. It is calming the body, quieting the chatter in our thoughts, and listening to our intuition. Some enjoy guided meditation to get started. You can find apps for that if you like. I have found that to be distracting. So, I suggest trying something more simple.

Simply get started

Sit comfortably in a chair with your feet on the floor. Relax your body without slouching or becoming too rigid. Allow yourself a few moments for adjustment and then ask yourself to begin noticing the urge to adjust and letting it go. Bring your awareness to your breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, with your lips slighting parted. Your breath should be easy and effortless. Your mind will be wandering and that is ok. As you breathe, notice the thoughts that are active in your mind and allow them to float on by like clouds. This will give you some relief in knowing that your thoughts are normal and there is no need to fight them or push them down and away. Let them be what they are and avoid attaching to them. When you struggle with this, bring your awareness back to your breath.

Start with a few minutes and then begin adding time each time you attempt to meditate. As little as 3 minutes can make a difference in your mental and physical self. Give yourself time to adjust to this new practice and celebrate each moment you spend trying. Before long you will be able to dive deeper into your practice both in length of time and quality of how you feel during and after you meditate. I will wager that you will rise from your practice of meditation feeling a sense of happiness in times of stress.

Happier You

By choosing to explore a few or all of these options, I have no doubt that you will see an increase in your overall well-being. You deserve to feel and be happy. Finding happiness in times of stress is especially important because it promotes resilience. It provides a sense of hope. Satisfaction comes from within and only when we are happy with ourselves can we really radiate happiness out to others. It’s a beautiful thing. Take good care of yourself and you will be in a better position to show care for others.

<3

Stephanie

My Own Story

Hello! My name is Stephanie and this is my blog. Here I will share about all things related to Well-Being. What it is, why it’s important, how to get more of it, and why it might be lacking. I will share my own story of growth in well-being and what it has meant for my life as well as provide space for others to share their own stories. And perhaps most importantly, I will work hard to build a community of support for you as you navigate your own path to well-being, happiness, and health. My vision is to be among those who are seeking something greater and looking to live with more satisfaction, to shine a light on the path forward and walk alongside them as they come to know themselves better. Everyone’s journey looks a little different and I am honored and humbled to be part of it. Let’s begin with a little background on me.

A Brief History

I have two children, W age 18 and L age 16. Like most mothers raising kids, my life is a balancing act and I am constantly learning, often the hard way, about what not to do. Parenting for me has not been an exercise in real time positive reinforcement — that has come in a delayed fashion. It involves trust that my hard work modeling my own behaviors and my efforts to pour love, kindness, and goodness into them has helped shape them into empathetic, caring people. 

So much of my younger parenting days were spent in fight or flight mode largely because one of my children is on the autism spectrum. I dealt with inflexibility and tantrums on a daily basis. It was hard and humbling and often scary. I also dealt with incredible brilliance, creativity, and heart melting sweetness on a daily basis from the same kid. This made me want to be a better human every second of the day. I put my heart into loving both my kids and learning about what resources would be best for both of them. There was a lot of trial and error. Some days we celebrated great success, and some days were a total failure by 9:00am. I needed to learn how to take care of myself emotionally, mentally, and physically if I was going to keep up. More on that later.

Body Love

For me, taking care of my physical body is a no brainer. I discovered early on in my parenting journey that physical exertion gave me the release I needed to keep my temper in check and remain calm during extreme chaos. So I ran, walked, did yoga, martial arts, kickboxing, lifted weights, and eventually I landed on barre3. I also learned early on that in order to put out that much physical exertion I needed to fuel my body well. So, I researched and experimented. I found ways to fuel my body with a lot of fruits and vegetables.  Eventually I discovered that I feel best when I don’t eat a lot of gluten, and ultimately I landed on a vegan diet, which I still enjoy today.

This progression happened over about 15 years and I honestly feel better in my body now than I did in my 30’s. Taking care of my body is just one aspect of good health and well-being and I came to realize that in all my working out, sweating, stretching, smoothie making, and salad eating something was missing. I also needed to take care of myself mentally.

Mind Love

I got married when I was 25 years old. My gut knew at the time that it likely wouldn’t work out. I even had a panic attack when I put on my dress. At the time, I didn’t understand what was going on and I chalked it up to “nerves”. I wanted to be married and I wanted to have a family. So I held on tight to the relationship I was in because it was all that I had. Regret is not something I have because my marriage gave me two wonderful children and plenty of lessons about myself. I spent a lot of time trying to conform myself into someone I wasn’t and the relationship was damaging. The details are unnecessary, but I will say that my insides were screaming that this wasn’t a healthy situation and I ignored that voice. For years.

Instead of hearing that inner knowing, I listened to the negative voice inside my head. The one that told me I wasn’t good enough or worthy of the kind of love and relationship I had always dreamed about. That voice was absolutely wrong, but I didn’t have the strength or the skills to know how to silence it and find the truth. This was not good for my health. All the vegetables, fruit, and exercise in the world can’t fix that. In order to handle that I had to take a look at the hard, harsh reality of my life choices. And I had to learn to do it without condemning myself.

That was really hard. I read books, I went to seminars about mindset, I listened to podcasts, I went to Al-Anon, and I went to therapy. Eventually I found the strength to love myself enough to move on from my marriage and create a life for myself that included self love and self respect. I did it for me as much as I did it for my family. No one in our family was happy, and we all deserved better.

Soul Love

Throughout my time where I was working on my mindset I kept hearing about a Well-Being coach training through Anthropedia that sounded interesting. For several years I kept emailing back and forth with the director and could never quite commit. I wanted to experience the personal renaissance they were talking about.  Hadn’t I already experienced something like that? Perhaps, but I also knew there was more to be done. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Here I was living alone for the first time in 20 years. I had good habits around eating and taking care of my body. To help with mindset, I was journaling everyday and continuing to focus on positivity. I had also dipped my toe in the water of meditation, starting small at first and working my way into larger blocks of time.

What meditation did for my anxiety was incredible. I noticed that when I gave myself over to being still, I could actually hear myself clearly. I believe that is what led me to finally sink myself into the year long course in Well-Being and what gave me the push to become a coach. It was a culmination of years of searching for something greater than myself and born out of my lifelong desire to be of service to others. 

New Beginnings

During my period of self discovery, living alone, I was working on loving myself and being my own best companion. I watched a lot of movies and wrote a lot of songs. I worked on being ok with silence in my normally busy home during those periods of time my kids were away at their Dad’s. Those were lonely, hard moments sometimes.

One night I mustered up some bravery to drive to the city alone to hear some music. I knew I would know people once I got there, but the act of going alone was a big deal for me. Somehow, the person I have been looking for my whole life was there too. We talked, he asked me out on a date, and he has been my best friend, partner, companion, and love ever since. Together we have 4 children and my life truly feels complete. I recognize that the love I have now is the love my soul told me I could have so long ago. I needed to have faith in that truth before I could find it. The work I have done on myself and my own growth in well-being has made me a better partner to Josh, a better mom to our kids, a better friend, daughter, sister, and aunt. 

Knowing Myself

I continue to get to know myself better everyday. I have not reached the peak of well-being — no one living has. We keep climbing one step at a time, learning and growing as we climb. After many, many years of searching I have finally found something that combines all of my skills that I have collected throughout my life. Including my love for serving others and my passion to make a difference and do meaningful work. I hope that by sharing my own story of growth in well-being in my life, you are inspired to take the first or another step into your own story.

Everyone’s path to well-being is unique and the Anthropedia method of coaching may be a good fit for you. If you would like to learn more about how coaching can help you, I invite you to complete the contact form here and have a pre-session with me. During that session we will get to know each other better, talk specifically about the services I offer, and how they might help improve your overall well-being. 

I couldn’t be more excited to walk alongside you. 

<3,

Stephanie