On Being In Practice
I’ve been talking a lot with clients lately on what it means to be “in practice”. There seems to be a disconnect in what we tell ourselves about practicing something that implies that at some point we become the expert. And that in this expert state we no longer need to practice. This isn’t true. While we get better and may even achieve “expert status”, we still have to keep up with our skills. After all, if we don’t use them, we lose them.
Most of us accept this truth when it comes to learning a new skill like playing an instrument. Obviously we need to study and practice in order to learn. And once we learn to play the instrument we need to continue playing it from time to time in order to maintain our skill. If we want to continue to get better, we need to practice even more. Why then is it so hard to accept this about things we do to improve our overall well-being? We make excuses like I’m not good at this or I don’t have time or I tried that once and it didn’t work or it made me uncomfortable. This is something worth exploring if we want to understand ourselves and effect lasting change.
Let go of perfection
The judgement and criticism that we subject ourselves to is the first thing we need to address. No one gets better at anything or even tries to step outside their comfort zone if they they doubt their own worthiness for success. That voice inside your head that questions your ability or your worth? It has to be identified and redirected. In a shame cycle, you aren’t very useful to yourself. Take the instrument metaphor. If you expect, right out of the gate, to be an excellent guitar player and this is the first time you are holding a guitar, you will be very disappointed. You might even give up before you really get started. We have to meet ourselves where we are and give grace to our inadequacies and imperfections. This comes from awareness and acceptance.
When I am talking with my clients about being in practice with mediation, yoga, getting into their body or eating healthy food, I am always encouraging them to develop a practice even when they are feeling good. I do this because these things aren’t bandaids only to be used for acute care when life is turned upside down or we are feeling anxious. By practicing, we are engaging in prevention and cultivating a lifestyle. We also increase our chances of reaching for a healthy tool rather than spiraling when we are overcome by stress, anxiety, or depression.
Pay attention
The excuse of time is a big one. Have you ever made a log of everything you do in one day? From the time you wake up to the time you fall asleep, there are so many hours. How are you spending them? How you spend your time is what you are practicing. And what you practice, you become good at. For example, if you are spending your time scrolling through social media, you will be really good at that. If you are spending your time cleaning and organizing your home, you will have a very clean and organized home. Heres the truth – if you really want to do something, you will find the time. It is about prioritizing and commitment.
Sometimes it is hard to commit and prioritize the things that we know will benefit ourselves first and foremost. What I mean by that is we are often more willing to do for others what we don’t do for ourselves. This is something that we have been conditioned to do by our upbringing and societal pressure, but it doesn’t make it right or healthy. When you prioritize yourself you give others permission to do the same. You also learn to look within yourself for what you need instead of relying on outside sources. In short, you learn to fill your own cup. When your cup is full you have more to give.
Yeah, I did that once
So, you tried to meditate once before and had trouble sitting still? Or you went to a yoga class and felt judged by the lady next to you and you never went back? We have all had experiences like these that left us feeling less than or we didn’t get the outcome we wanted. There’s that pesky perfectionism again. Just because you did something once and you didn’t like it or it didn’t work out the way you wanted is not a reason to throw in the towel. Adjust your expectations. Take a smaller bite. Try meditating for 3 minutes instead of 30. Try a different yoga studio with a different vibe.
Letting go of your attachment to a particular outcome or the way something “should” look will help you to be more mindful. Being mindful means to be attentive and aware to what is happening within and around you. Sitting with that reality and knowing that right now is not forever. This feels this way right now, today. Maybe tomorrow it will feel different.
Growing pains
In my late twenties I borrowed a Jillian Michaels exercise video from my mom. I know, laugh if you want – it’s pretty funny. She was all the rage in the fitness world and I was out of shape after having my first baby. I refused to go to the gym because I didn’t like being around other people who I was certain were looking at me with their judgmental eyes. Looking back I can see that I was deep in a cycle of unworthiness, comparison, and self-judgement. That is a blog post for another day.
Anyway, in the video (which was really hard by the way), she said “get comfortable with being uncomfortable”. She was encouraging all of us who were working out at home to not quit just because we felt some discomfort. It worked for me. She wasn’t saying to push through pain and injury, but she was saying that your brain wants to quit long before your body. That resonated with me and it still does.
I am much gentler with my exercise approach now and that has served me well over the years, but I still hear her voice sometimes in my head. Even during meditation sometimes, especially then, because everything is still and quiet, my brain wants to quit. I want to get out of the discomfort and avoid sitting in it. I want to lean into the distractions and the to-do list. Anything that keeps me from paying close attention to stillness or my breath or my body. Anything that helps me avoid sitting with the discomfort of the moment. But it is in the practice of staying and being with these moments of discomfort that I have experienced my biggest growth. It is not a failure that I had to keep redirecting my thoughts to my breath or to a part on my body over and over again. It means I am doing it. That is the practice.
Practice makes progress
Remember that your practice is your own. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to look like mine. You don’t need anything special to get started and there is never a “right” time to take the plunge. You have to find the balance between commitment and flexibility. Balance the ease and the effort. This takes trust and being in practice toward your goals will help you feel accomplished and hopeful. In this hopeful state you will be better prepared to take on the uncertainties of life. Why? Because you are well practiced.
<3 Stephanie
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Prioritize Rest
Winter time is a time of reflection and renewal. At least in the mid-west, it’s cold, the sky is grey on most days, and hibernation seems like a good idea. I can think of no better way to renew yourself than mindful, intentional rest. Rest is paramount for your well-being, yet most of us feel guilty for doing it. So, today, let us stop running ourselves ragged, spinning our wheels, and over functioning for everyone else and talk about how to prioritize rest.
Why prioritize rest?
Well, you deserve it for one thing. You work hard, you give all day long, and you are tired. Our bodies give warning signals to us all the time that we miss because we don’t slow down long enough to listen. Rest gives you the opportunity to check back in with your body and listen for it’s signals. When we prioritize rest we give the body what it needs to balance hormones, strengthen the immune system, and just generally clean up internally. Rest makes you less crabby, more productive, and it feels really good. Basic fact; humans need rest.
But, I have so much to do!
I know, I know, you have a list one mile long and you are trying to check things off that list. You value productivity. The thing is, when you are tired, you are more easily distracted by randomness that pull you off task. We have all been there – trying to stay focused and suddenly realizing you have spent the last hour mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. Now you are even more behind and feeling more exhausted than ever. This is a sign that you need to slow down, prioritize rest, and regroup. I promise you that productivity will increase when you give yourself time to rest.
What counts as rest?
There are a lot of ways to rest and they don’t always involve sleep. Yes, sleep is super important. It is recommended that adults ages 18-65 get between 7 and 9 hours of sleep every night. With our busy schedules and active brains, that can be really challenging. The fact that it is challenging does not take away from it’s importance. Setting yourself up for good sleep involves some behavior modification if we want to be successful. How we function during the day most certainly impacts our ability to sleep at night. Keep reading for some good tips for how to prioritize rest and set yourself up for good, restful sleep.
Wake up at the same time
Having a consistent time for waking up is super important. It helps the body maintain good circadian rhythm, which is important for so many body functions. When you practice waking at the same time every day, you will likely find that your body naturally adjusts over time and you will no longer need that alarm clock to wake you. For more a deeper dive on why waking at the same time each day is so beneficial, click here for a great article from verywell health.
Get good exercise
You might be thinking, wait, I thought we were talking about rest? We are. Regular exercise helps us to rest better. Your body needs movement each day. It is recommended that adults get 150 minutes every week of moderate intensity exercise. If you break that down into a daily habit, it really isn’t that much time, but it will make a huge difference in your ability to get good rest. Consider a brisk daily walk or, during winter, take a virtual class or attend one in a a local studio. Make sure to elevate your heart rate and follow up with some gentle stretches to soothe your mind and body.
Unplug from technology
We are all so connected through technology, yet we are very disconnected at the same time. So frequently, I hear people say they don’t have time for mindful breaks during the day because they have so much to do, yet, somehow they have time to post and scroll through social media on the regular. We all make choices – some of them are intentional and others are not. My suggestion here is that you be intentional about your technology use and put the same intention behind setting it down. Give your mind a break. What can you do during your break from tech?
Take a mindful mini break
Get grounded with 3-5 abdominal breaths. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Track the breath as it comes in and as it goes out. Notice how it feels to breath and pay attention to where your thoughts go. Keep redirecting them back to the breath or a point on your body.
Do some gentle stretches. Roll out your yoga mat for a 5-10 minute flow. One of my favorite ways to get grounded in my breath and my body is to start with a few cat/cows. Connecting with my breath and movement. Then transition into childs pose with wide knees, big toes touching. Release my forehead to the floor and then add a gentle rocking back and forth with the head. Massaging into the forehead really gently. This stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and helps release hormones that have a calming effect on the body.
Take off your shoes and do a meditative walk. Slow yourself way down by inhaling as you lift one foot and exhale as you step it back down. Lift the other foot on an inhale, step it back down on an exhale. Continue like this for as long as you like.
Read a good book
There is nothing quite like grabbing a good old fashioned book made of paper, a warm cup of tea, and a cozy blanket and getting lost for a little while in the story. I don’t think I need to say anymore about this – it’s just so good!
Meditate
Setting aside anywhere from 10-30 minutes per day for meditation is such good rest for your mind and body. If this is a concept that freaks you out, know that it takes some practice just like anything else. Intention, practice, and the desire to do the thing is what is required if we want to learn anything new.
Open your senses
Light a yummy smelling candle, soothe your mind and body with essential oil infused lotion, give yourself a foot or neck massage, bake something delicious and pay attention to the process – how it feels, the sounds, smells, tastes, and sight of the finished product, bundle up and take a walk outdoors and take in everything around you. When we pay attention, we can use our senses to connect to the outdoors, which combats feelings of isolation and loneliness. When we feel more connected, we feel content and this also promotes good rest.
Wrap yourself up
How we choose to live during our waking hours most certainly impacts how well we sleep during the night. I’ve shared here about the importance of being intentional about scheduling, exercise, technology use, and mindfulness, and that doing these things will help you manage your stress level and set you up for good rest. Mostly it is about choosing rest – giving yourself permission to slow down, do less, and just be. You will see that you have time for everything that is truly important in your life and that prioritizing rest helps you enjoy what you choose to do even more.
<3 Stephanie
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Now Is The Time To Work on You
I am inhaling love, exhaling fear, inhaling hope, exhaling worry and struggle, inhaling openness, exhaling self-doubt. This is a time of new beginnings and new normals, while we also grieve for what was once familiar. It is overwhelming at times, exciting at others. Some people are thriving with this new normal and others are barely surviving. Now is the time to work on you and to draw upon and cultivate new coping skills. Meditation is a useful practice as part of your growth in well-being and happiness as you navigate this uncertain time.
If you are a parent, you are now faced with homeschooling. If you work outside the home, you might be struggling with what is next for your career. Perhaps you’ve lost your job and are unsure of what is next. Maybe you are taking care of a loved one who is sick or struggling. Whatever the case, you cannot pour from an empty cup. And you can’t make good decisions with a stressed and chaotic mind.
So, now is the perfect time to work on you. To learn the fundamentals of mental health and well-being, to grow in awareness, to cultivate skills for managing stress and anxiety so that you feel more resilient and less overwhelmed. Doing this for yourself will better equip you to be there for others.
Where to Begin
You can start today with meditation. There are many apps available to help you get started. I love this one for getting calm before bed and this one for it’s variety of options in a multitude of situations. When you work with me as a well-being coach, I will teach you several meditations that you can use anytime, anywhere to calm anxiety, alleviate stress, and gather your energies.
Meditation Takes Practice
Just like anything else, in order to learn something new you must practice. I like to think of mediation as prevention for stress and anxiety. You are literally building muscle memory for yourself around getting calm. When you do this you are better equipped to use this coping skill in high stress moments. This is what it looks like to work on you. Making your mental health a priority starts with taking time for mental health prevention.
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of a cure.” Benjamin Franklin said that and his words ring true today. It is much easier to prevent getting sick than it is to get better. This applies to your mental health as well.
Coaching for Mental Health
Working with me as your well-being coach will help you to keep your mental health in focus. You will get to know yourself better as well as learn new skills for coping. All of this leads to greater feelings of happiness, well-being, and resiliency. It can be challenging to work on you and there is a certain amount of comfort that comes with not doing it alone. As your coach, it is my honor to walk alongside you as you do this work on yourself, cheering you on along the way.
Taking the Scenic Route
Well-being coaching is not a quick fix. It is deep and contemplative, much like meditation. But, the benefits are so worth it. This coaching methodology works and leads to lasting change and enhances your life with greater satisfaction. To learn more about coaching with me, complete this contact form to get started with a pre-session.
Mental health, just like physical health, is a lifelong journey. We are never done. We are always growing in awareness, learning and changing, but only if we are paying attention. Keep going, keep growing and keep your eyes open. This is how you will take in all the beauty that your life has to offer right now in this moment.
Your breath is always there for you and will guide you toward what you need in order to stay calm. All you have to do is take the time to work on you.
<3 Stephanie
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Cooking Up Happiness in Times of Stress
We are living in a time that is, not only uncertain, but volatile. For many, happiness during times of stress seems unattainable. This can bring about feelings of fatigue due to interrupted sleep. Lack of sleep and exhaustion leads to irritability. This leads to self deprecation because perhaps you’ve lashed out at someone you love. Emotional outbursts of anger, fear, and sadness cause us to feel out of control. In an attempt to regain control we sometimes retreat from others, further disconnecting ourselves. Isolation paves the way for depression and anxiety. This happens to varying degrees in all of us and none of it feels good.
The good news is, we can learn to recognize what is going on and cook up happiness for ourselves, even during times of stress. It’s true. As a coach, I work with my clients in discovering what makes them happy. We also do work on understanding what makes them unhappy. In doing this, my clients develop a better relationship with themselves and are able to enjoy the feeling of happiness more often. Fill out the contact form to learn more about coaching and how it can help you unblock your well-being. Today, I am going to give you some tools you can begin practicing on your own to cultivate more of these good feelings.
Spend Time in Nature
Being outdoors gets you out of your head and opens up your senses. Have you ever felt overwhelmed or stressed and suddenly had the urge to go outside and take a deep breath? Just breathing different air can provide relief. Spending time in nature serves as a good reminder that, as humans, we are one part of a much larger whole. This is a relief because we can see it isn’t all about us. Next time you are feeling isolated or overwhelmed, give this a try.
Step outside and either sit comfortably or begin walking. If you choose to walk, keep your pace slow and leisurely. Focus on all that you see, without being narrow in your vision. With a wide gaze, notice the colors, shapes, foliage, flowers, sky, trees, etc. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. What do you smell? Take in the sounds around you. Birds chirping, leaves crunching, water rushing. Appreciate these sounds like you would with beautiful music. What do you taste? Finally, what do you feel? You can touch the grass, or the bark of a tree nearby, or simply feel the breeze on your skin.
In connecting with nature, you are connecting deeper with yourself. It is calming and can be meditative if you are open to it. When we are calm, we are able to see more clearly and make better choices for ourselves and ultimately, find happiness during times of stress.
Eat healthy, nourishing food
This is a tricky one for many people. It is common to soothe sadness, anger, and fear with food that is high in sugar and fat. It tastes really good going in, but for most people the physical discomfort that comes later leads to regret. Why does this happen? The short answer is we are looking to increase pleasure. Eating food like this gives a temporary feeling of fulfillment that wears off leaving us feeling cloudy, bloated, etc. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like that feeling.
I have found that the best way to avoid the downward spiral that indulging in two pieces of cake will certainly bring is to be prepared. This requires a little bit of planning and some time. Make a list of healthy things you enjoy eating. Fruits, veggies, nuts, etc. It’s always a good idea to have these things ready for consumption when the urge to snack strikes. This will help you cultivate healthier eating by giving you ready made options within reach.
But we all know these things will not satisfy our sweet tooth. The last thing I want when I’m feeling bored or sad or frustrated is to crunch on a piece of celery. I want cake, but I know cake generally doesn’t make me feel good. So, to increase the probability of nutritional happiness during times of stress, I make protein bites and keep them in the freezer. They are sweet, loaded with goodness, and it’s hard to eat more than two. I make mine with dates, nut butter, coconut oil, nuts like walnuts or pecans, cinnamon, and mini chocolate chips. I have made enough protein bites that I adapt recipes on the fly and experiment. It’s kind of fun, actually. Eventually I will post some recipes on my site, but until then Minimalist Baker has some good ones you can try.
Work in the Service of Others
I love this one. Doing kind things for someone else feels so good. One of my favorite things to do is to pick a few flowers from my garden, write a little note, and deliver it for no reason in particular to a friends doorstep. Think about how you would feel if someone did that for you. Pretty great, right?
Doing acts of kindness for others is one way to increase loving feelings in your life and increase happiness in times of stress. It takes the focus off of yourself and puts it on someone else. This increases empathy and leaves you with a smile on your face. Even more, it creates feelings of deep satisfaction in the knowledge that your small kindness, more than likely, made a big difference in someone else’s day.
Here’s the catch. Sometimes the kindness we show to others goes unnoticed. It’s ok. That doesn’t take away from your feelings of satisfaction. You never know what is going on in someone else’s life at any given moment. Showing love and appreciation is always a good idea, even if the recipient can’t or doesn’t see what you are doing. So, give love and kindness freely and see what goodness comes for you in the process.
Show Gratitude
Beginning and ending each day with gratitude is a powerful thing. Writing these things down is even better. Taking time to express gratitude each day serves us a dose of happiness and appreciation for what we have. These include relationships we have, people we feel blessed to know, opportunities we enjoy, time we have, activities we love. The list is abundant and goes on forever. Having gratitude promotes abundance, which promotes happiness in times of stress.
Have you heard the saying: What we focus on grows? It’s absolutely true. When you focus on worry, what could go wrong, stress, and the like, that is what you have an abundance of. Contrarily, when you focus on what you appreciate, your blessings, and the goodness in your life, those grow exponentially. Writing it down solidifies these appreciations and when you are lacking, they serve as a reminder of all that you have. Keep a journal at your bedside for your gratitude lists. Having it handy will help you get into the habit of writing each day. Start with 5. Write down 5 things each morning and another 5 each night. Don’t overthink it. Write what comes to mind and gives you good feelings in those moments.
Smile More
Seriously. It’s that simple. Just smile. Smile at your family, smile at your neighbors, smile when you go to the store. Look at the people around you in the eyes and smile at them. Many have let that practice atrophy because we aren’t feeling so good. All the above practices for creating more happiness in times of stress will help you get to smile more, I promise.
Move Your Body with Intention
Living a sedentary lifestyle leads to feelings of malaise, low energy, depression, and even anxiety. These are all common complaints from most people I come into contact with. I know for myself, when I don’t move my body, I don’t feel good physically or mentally. There is a simple explanation for this. Humans were not designed to be sedentary. Our systems functionality depends on good nutrition, quality sleep, being adequately watered, and movement.
I hear people say they don’t like exercise. I understand. We often don’t like what makes us feel uncomfortable. Going to the gym or taking a group fitness class for some people is very anxiety producing. The thing is that exercise doesn’t have to be something you dread. There are so many ways to move your body. Here are a few suggestions that you can do anytime, alone or with others.
Get moving!
There is nothing quite like a spontaneous dance party to promote happiness in times of stress. Put on some music and dance around the house. Sing along, move and shake, smile — maybe even laugh! This gets your heart rate up, releases feel good hormones, and alleviates stress and tension. If you have younger kids, you are modeling so much good for them. You are giving yourself and them permission to feel joy. Invite them to dance along.
Take a walk. There is something really great about putting on some music or your favorite podcast and taking a good power walk. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Every now and then let out a sigh and feel the relief wash over you.
Go hiking. This requires a little more effort in that most people would have to drive to a trail first. More planning and more time, but very enjoyable. See the above on spending time in nature. A hiking trail is a wonderful place to spend a few moments in a mindful state becoming aware of your senses and then taking a nice walk through the woods.
Develop a morning and evening stretching routine. This alleviates tension, lubricates the joints, relieves muscle soreness, and just generally feels really good.
The suggestions I provided here are just scratching the surface. What are some activities you enjoy? How can you incorporate more movement in your daily life?
Get Quality Sleep
Sleep is something we all need and unfortunately, it eludes many. Insomnia is no fun and lack of sleep leads to many other issues, both physical and mental. There are things you can do today to start cultivating better sleep conditions for yourself. For instance, you can become aware of your technology use in the hours before bedtime, notice what you are eating and drinking, and the quality of your sleep environment. Before you decide what needs to change I would suggest collecting some data first.
Do your research
If you are using a gratitude journal and keeping it bedside, you can create a section in this notebook for sleep data. For one week, each night before bed, write down the following. The time you are getting into bed, what time you ate your last meal and what it was, what you drank including alcohol, tea, etc and how much you drank, what activities you did in the evening hours before bed, how you feel physically, and how you feel mentally. Each morning jot down the time you woke and how you felt upon waking. Did you wake in the night? If so, how many times and what time? Were you able to get back to sleep? How many hours did you sleep? Do you feel rested?
Begin to notice patterns and start to make some adjustments. Consider eliminating alcohol, limiting technology use two hours before bedtime, not utilizing television in the bedroom, and making nutritional adjustments if you are experiencing stomach discomfort.
Making changes requires you first to examine what is happening. This involves being honest about our habits and patterns and being willing to let go of those things that aren’t serving us long term, even if they feel good in the moment. Good sleep requires that we do this. So does our overall well-being. Working with me will give you the tools and accountability you need to create this awareness and make healthy changes. If you are ready to explore that more deeply, reach out to me here and we will get started!
Meditate
This will take some practice. And it may feel challenging to you at first, but I encourage you to keep trying. Sitting in stillness does much more for our mental health than most of us realize. We spend so much time going and doing and thinking and worrying and multitasking. In the process of all of that busyness we get lost. We become used to stuffing our feelings down, avoiding vulnerability, and growing further away from tapping into our intuition. In other words, we are living on autopilot. Living in this way is keeping us from living well and living happy. In order to be happy we need to know what really makes us happy. In order to know what makes us happy, we have to listen.
Listening requires being attentive. It also requires putting aside our judgments. This is meditation. It is calming the body, quieting the chatter in our thoughts, and listening to our intuition. Some enjoy guided meditation to get started. You can find apps for that if you like. I have found that to be distracting. So, I suggest trying something more simple.
Simply get started
Sit comfortably in a chair with your feet on the floor. Relax your body without slouching or becoming too rigid. Allow yourself a few moments for adjustment and then ask yourself to begin noticing the urge to adjust and letting it go. Bring your awareness to your breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, with your lips slighting parted. Your breath should be easy and effortless. Your mind will be wandering and that is ok. As you breathe, notice the thoughts that are active in your mind and allow them to float on by like clouds. This will give you some relief in knowing that your thoughts are normal and there is no need to fight them or push them down and away. Let them be what they are and avoid attaching to them. When you struggle with this, bring your awareness back to your breath.
Start with a few minutes and then begin adding time each time you attempt to meditate. As little as 3 minutes can make a difference in your mental and physical self. Give yourself time to adjust to this new practice and celebrate each moment you spend trying. Before long you will be able to dive deeper into your practice both in length of time and quality of how you feel during and after you meditate. I will wager that you will rise from your practice of meditation feeling a sense of happiness in times of stress.
Happier You
By choosing to explore a few or all of these options, I have no doubt that you will see an increase in your overall well-being. You deserve to feel and be happy. Finding happiness in times of stress is especially important because it promotes resilience. It provides a sense of hope. Satisfaction comes from within and only when we are happy with ourselves can we really radiate happiness out to others. It’s a beautiful thing. Take good care of yourself and you will be in a better position to show care for others.
<3
Stephanie
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