On Being In Practice
I’ve been talking a lot with clients lately on what it means to be “in practice”. There seems to be a disconnect in what we tell ourselves about practicing something that implies that at some point we become the expert. And that in this expert state we no longer need to practice. This isn’t true. While we get better and may even achieve “expert status”, we still have to keep up with our skills. After all, if we don’t use them, we lose them.
Most of us accept this truth when it comes to learning a new skill like playing an instrument. Obviously we need to study and practice in order to learn. And once we learn to play the instrument we need to continue playing it from time to time in order to maintain our skill. If we want to continue to get better, we need to practice even more. Why then is it so hard to accept this about things we do to improve our overall well-being? We make excuses like I’m not good at this or I don’t have time or I tried that once and it didn’t work or it made me uncomfortable. This is something worth exploring if we want to understand ourselves and effect lasting change.
Let go of perfection
The judgement and criticism that we subject ourselves to is the first thing we need to address. No one gets better at anything or even tries to step outside their comfort zone if they they doubt their own worthiness for success. That voice inside your head that questions your ability or your worth? It has to be identified and redirected. In a shame cycle, you aren’t very useful to yourself. Take the instrument metaphor. If you expect, right out of the gate, to be an excellent guitar player and this is the first time you are holding a guitar, you will be very disappointed. You might even give up before you really get started. We have to meet ourselves where we are and give grace to our inadequacies and imperfections. This comes from awareness and acceptance.
When I am talking with my clients about being in practice with mediation, yoga, getting into their body or eating healthy food, I am always encouraging them to develop a practice even when they are feeling good. I do this because these things aren’t bandaids only to be used for acute care when life is turned upside down or we are feeling anxious. By practicing, we are engaging in prevention and cultivating a lifestyle. We also increase our chances of reaching for a healthy tool rather than spiraling when we are overcome by stress, anxiety, or depression.
Pay attention
The excuse of time is a big one. Have you ever made a log of everything you do in one day? From the time you wake up to the time you fall asleep, there are so many hours. How are you spending them? How you spend your time is what you are practicing. And what you practice, you become good at. For example, if you are spending your time scrolling through social media, you will be really good at that. If you are spending your time cleaning and organizing your home, you will have a very clean and organized home. Heres the truth – if you really want to do something, you will find the time. It is about prioritizing and commitment.
Sometimes it is hard to commit and prioritize the things that we know will benefit ourselves first and foremost. What I mean by that is we are often more willing to do for others what we don’t do for ourselves. This is something that we have been conditioned to do by our upbringing and societal pressure, but it doesn’t make it right or healthy. When you prioritize yourself you give others permission to do the same. You also learn to look within yourself for what you need instead of relying on outside sources. In short, you learn to fill your own cup. When your cup is full you have more to give.
Yeah, I did that once
So, you tried to meditate once before and had trouble sitting still? Or you went to a yoga class and felt judged by the lady next to you and you never went back? We have all had experiences like these that left us feeling less than or we didn’t get the outcome we wanted. There’s that pesky perfectionism again. Just because you did something once and you didn’t like it or it didn’t work out the way you wanted is not a reason to throw in the towel. Adjust your expectations. Take a smaller bite. Try meditating for 3 minutes instead of 30. Try a different yoga studio with a different vibe.
Letting go of your attachment to a particular outcome or the way something “should” look will help you to be more mindful. Being mindful means to be attentive and aware to what is happening within and around you. Sitting with that reality and knowing that right now is not forever. This feels this way right now, today. Maybe tomorrow it will feel different.
Growing pains
In my late twenties I borrowed a Jillian Michaels exercise video from my mom. I know, laugh if you want – it’s pretty funny. She was all the rage in the fitness world and I was out of shape after having my first baby. I refused to go to the gym because I didn’t like being around other people who I was certain were looking at me with their judgmental eyes. Looking back I can see that I was deep in a cycle of unworthiness, comparison, and self-judgement. That is a blog post for another day.
Anyway, in the video (which was really hard by the way), she said “get comfortable with being uncomfortable”. She was encouraging all of us who were working out at home to not quit just because we felt some discomfort. It worked for me. She wasn’t saying to push through pain and injury, but she was saying that your brain wants to quit long before your body. That resonated with me and it still does.
I am much gentler with my exercise approach now and that has served me well over the years, but I still hear her voice sometimes in my head. Even during meditation sometimes, especially then, because everything is still and quiet, my brain wants to quit. I want to get out of the discomfort and avoid sitting in it. I want to lean into the distractions and the to-do list. Anything that keeps me from paying close attention to stillness or my breath or my body. Anything that helps me avoid sitting with the discomfort of the moment. But it is in the practice of staying and being with these moments of discomfort that I have experienced my biggest growth. It is not a failure that I had to keep redirecting my thoughts to my breath or to a part on my body over and over again. It means I am doing it. That is the practice.
Practice makes progress
Remember that your practice is your own. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to look like mine. You don’t need anything special to get started and there is never a “right” time to take the plunge. You have to find the balance between commitment and flexibility. Balance the ease and the effort. This takes trust and being in practice toward your goals will help you feel accomplished and hopeful. In this hopeful state you will be better prepared to take on the uncertainties of life. Why? Because you are well practiced.
<3 Stephanie
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Spending Time In Nature
The world is an unbelievably beautiful place. Mother nature is magnificent and giving and incredibly resilient. So, my friend, are you. But, sometimes I forget that about myself. You too? Spending time in nature renews my perspective and helps me see past my own self. It also calms anxiety and stress. In this way, I am able to see that I am part of a much greater whole and that elevates me.
In well-being coaching, we call these kinds of experiences self-transcendence. When we “get above” our petty struggles and worries, we are able to see more clearly the path forward. And we are able to see our own magnificence, generosity, and resiliency. This leads to a more peaceful, satisfying, happy life.
Today, I will give you some tips on how to get out of your head and into your body…outside! The best way out of anxious and overwhelming feelings is through the body. Movement, stretching, massage, acupressure, breath – these are all great ways to tune into and take care of your body. Spending time in nature is one of my personal favorites because it widens my gaze, allows me to take more in with my senses, and renews hope.
Why don’t we do it?
It is important to create some awareness around the obstacles that are present for us around taking care of ourselves. The most common things people say about why they don’t engage in outdoor activity or exercise are lack of time and lack of energy. Let’s explore this a little more.
Mindfulness creates time
How does mindfulness create time? Well, when we examine truthfully how we are spending our time we will more than likely see that much of our day is taken up by mindless activity. Scrolling through social media feeds, reading all the comments on an inflammatory post, reading and re-reading the news, and binge watching television just to name a few. When my clients take the time to really look at how they are spending their day, they find that they have a lot of time they didn’t know they had.
So, for the next few days, without trying to change anything about your current routine, pay attention to where your time is going. You can do this by spending a few minutes each evening and doing a retrospective awareness exercise on your day. Start by recalling what you did when you woke up and so on. Be honest about how much you engaged in activities that ended up being more of a time suck. Do you notice patterns? Anywhere that you could insert some time for mindful self care?
Fresh air gives us energy
When we are spending time in nature we awaken our senses. Fresh air in the lungs, a breeze on our face, sunshine on your skin, crisp smells in the air, birds chirping – this is activating. Especially when we are intentional about being aware. In other words, if you are spending time in nature with the intention of getting connected to your senses and the beauty that surrounds you, that is what you will do.
This can be done while walking, hiking, running, stretching, or simply sitting. Whatever you enjoy doing outdoors is up to you. By adding intention with your time spent you will find yourself energized, refreshed, with a more unified perspective.
Union with Nature
In well-being coaching, we utilize several meditations designed to calm the thoughts, tune into the body, and create awareness. One of them is called Union with Nature. For more on coaching and how you can get started, fill out the contact form to schedule a pre-session. It would be my honor to talk with you while you discover if this is right for you.
In the union with nature meditation, we focus on opening each of the five senses, slowly and with intention. This helps gives our mind a break from worry and puts us back in our body. During times of stress, many of us experience swirling thoughts that lead to feelings of anxiety. This typically shows up in our bodies in one or a combination of ways. Racing heartbeat, headache, fatigue, upset stomach, heaviness in the chest, restriction in the throat, etc. This is uncomfortable and exhausting.
If we don’t build some muscle memory around using the body to decrease these physical feelings we wind up stuck in our thoughts. If you have ever been in a heightened state of anxiety, you know you cannot think yourself out of it.
Get some fresh air
As prevention and in overwhelming moments, getting fresh air and breathing it in fully does wonders for the body and the mind. It is immediate relief for stress. It’s true that we don’t always have time for a long walk or a hike in the woods. But, we can typically squeeze out a few minutes to spend time in nature, get connected with our senses, and breathe fresh air.
If you have access to an outdoor space you can also engage in a meditative walk. This involves very slow steps as you breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. You can slowly become aware of what you feel, taste, smell, hear, and see as you do this. This is incredibly calming and it only takes a few minutes. We all have time for that.
Prioritize Your Mental Health
This is so important. Right now, mental illness like anxiety and depression are at an all time high. Every single person is susceptible to these feelings and they can quickly become overwhelming if we aren’t attentive. You cannot pour from an empty cup and we cannot rely on others to fill our cups for us. So, take intentional time for you, spend time in nature, and reach out to those you care about to check in.
Prioritizing your mental health makes it so you can be there for yourself and for those who need you. For more on how to do this and move forward in your life with a greater sense of well-being and happiness, reach out and let’s talk. I would love to get to know you and guide you along your path to well-being. You are magnificent, generous, and resilient, just like Mother Nature. Get outside and bask in that!
<3 Stephanie
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Taking Care Of You Is Most Important
As we look toward the rest of this year, what would you like to focus on? Having an intentional plan for your next steps will ensure that you find success. Whether you are feeling overwhelmed or not, taking steps toward growth in happiness and well-being will serve you in more ways than you know. With the change in the seasons comes a surge in mental health issues like depression and anxiety, and we are already seeing an increase due to the pandemic. Taking care of you is most important.
I’d like to share a little more about me and what I do as an Anthropedia well-being coach. My mission and my passion is to work with women. Together, my clients and I are making great strides toward their own self acceptance and happiness. It’s really fulfilling to walk alongside these women as they experience this growth for themselves. Working with me as a coach can be part of your intentional plan for your mental health and help you realize that taking care of you is most important.
About Me
Professionally, I offer well-being coaching as well as lifestyle coaching for women who are looking to work on self-discovery and self-acceptance and would like to get a boost in the happiness, hope, and mental health department. Like my clients, I have my own story of struggle and growth that helps me to be relatable and empathetic for my clients. I know what it feels like to question my purpose and to feel out of control. And I know what it is like to be in a cycle of quiet shame and self deprecation to the point of exhaustion.
Part of what makes me good at my job is my own life experience. In my own experience, well-being coaching has been truly life changing. The practices I learned and have adopted for myself are a lifeline that I draw on daily that keep me afloat, even during chaos and my life has plenty of chaos! I observe and hear the same from my clients. Not only have my relationships with others improved, but my relationship with myself is more loving and kind.
My Mission
Working with women is a passion of mine. I absolutely love supporting other women who are hungry for more and looking for ways to take care of themselves in healthy ways. As a woman, I know how much it can be ingrained in us to put ourselves last and second guess our need for our own nourishment and growth. I am here to remind you that you matter, you are so important, and you are worth your own time. You cannot pour from an empty cup. And the world needs you mentally and physically healthy and happy. This is why taking care of you is most important.
I am called to do this work by a deep desire to promote positive mental health practices so that we may all find some healing, a renewed sense of hope, and deeper satisfaction with life. I bring compassion, empathy, support, and understanding to the table each time I meet with one of my clients. After every session I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to connect and share in the tremendous growth these women experience. It is truly life changing and affirming.
The Truth
What I know to be true is that if we aren’t intentional about where we are going, we are bound to get lost. If we spend the majority of our time doing what we believe everyone else wants us to do, we lose ourselves in the process. If we don’t take time to really get to know ourselves, we never really fully understand what makes us happy. This is no way to live. I want you to thrive, not just go through the motions.
Taking the time to prioritize getting to know yourself and really understand what drives you is so important. In order to do this, we have to create awareness around our habits, patterns, thoughts, and behaviors. What makes you happy? What makes you unhappy? What experiences have you had in your life that left you feeling a sense of lasting satisfaction? These are all questions we ask and begin to answer in our first meeting together.
Growth in well-being and happiness is deep and contemplative work. And it is so worth it.
In her words
Don’t take my word for it. Here are what a few of my clients have to say about their experience working with me.
“Not only is Stephanie adept at coaching, she is also patient, kind, trustworthy, encouraging and fun to work with. I no longer feel like I am treading water; I feel confident that I am on the right path, more aware of myself and my surroundings and have an optimistic, almost giddy, outlook.”
“I can share that I have found wellbeing coaching profoundly impactful and more meaningful than coaching I have done in the past. It has helped my self discovery on a deeper level and given me ways in which to incorporate practices into my day that helps me heal, move forward and sets the stage for a more balanced and happy life. Steph has been a wonderful guide so far.”
“I have found this training to be life changing, It ended up helping me through one of the most difficult periods of my life, and it has resonated into all aspects of my relationship with myself and the people around me. I’m profoundly grateful.”
Looking Forward
I am soaked in gratitude for my clients and the way in which they have embraced themselves and walked with grace on the path forward in these uncertain, troubled times. I so look forward to hearing from you so that we can begin to discover who you are and what makes you happy. What I said earlier bears repeating. You matter, you are so important, and you are worth your own time. You cannot pour from an empty cup. And the world needs you mentally and physically healthy and happy. This is why taking care of you is most important. Let’s start today.
<3 Stephanie
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Now Is The Time To Work on You
I am inhaling love, exhaling fear, inhaling hope, exhaling worry and struggle, inhaling openness, exhaling self-doubt. This is a time of new beginnings and new normals, while we also grieve for what was once familiar. It is overwhelming at times, exciting at others. Some people are thriving with this new normal and others are barely surviving. Now is the time to work on you and to draw upon and cultivate new coping skills. Meditation is a useful practice as part of your growth in well-being and happiness as you navigate this uncertain time.
If you are a parent, you are now faced with homeschooling. If you work outside the home, you might be struggling with what is next for your career. Perhaps you’ve lost your job and are unsure of what is next. Maybe you are taking care of a loved one who is sick or struggling. Whatever the case, you cannot pour from an empty cup. And you can’t make good decisions with a stressed and chaotic mind.
So, now is the perfect time to work on you. To learn the fundamentals of mental health and well-being, to grow in awareness, to cultivate skills for managing stress and anxiety so that you feel more resilient and less overwhelmed. Doing this for yourself will better equip you to be there for others.
Where to Begin
You can start today with meditation. There are many apps available to help you get started. I love this one for getting calm before bed and this one for it’s variety of options in a multitude of situations. When you work with me as a well-being coach, I will teach you several meditations that you can use anytime, anywhere to calm anxiety, alleviate stress, and gather your energies.
Meditation Takes Practice
Just like anything else, in order to learn something new you must practice. I like to think of mediation as prevention for stress and anxiety. You are literally building muscle memory for yourself around getting calm. When you do this you are better equipped to use this coping skill in high stress moments. This is what it looks like to work on you. Making your mental health a priority starts with taking time for mental health prevention.
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of a cure.” Benjamin Franklin said that and his words ring true today. It is much easier to prevent getting sick than it is to get better. This applies to your mental health as well.
Coaching for Mental Health
Working with me as your well-being coach will help you to keep your mental health in focus. You will get to know yourself better as well as learn new skills for coping. All of this leads to greater feelings of happiness, well-being, and resiliency. It can be challenging to work on you and there is a certain amount of comfort that comes with not doing it alone. As your coach, it is my honor to walk alongside you as you do this work on yourself, cheering you on along the way.
Taking the Scenic Route
Well-being coaching is not a quick fix. It is deep and contemplative, much like meditation. But, the benefits are so worth it. This coaching methodology works and leads to lasting change and enhances your life with greater satisfaction. To learn more about coaching with me, complete this contact form to get started with a pre-session.
Mental health, just like physical health, is a lifelong journey. We are never done. We are always growing in awareness, learning and changing, but only if we are paying attention. Keep going, keep growing and keep your eyes open. This is how you will take in all the beauty that your life has to offer right now in this moment.
Your breath is always there for you and will guide you toward what you need in order to stay calm. All you have to do is take the time to work on you.
<3 Stephanie
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